365 Days To A Fat Juicy Reward

All right, I'm tired. Literally *all* the time. No, I'm not sick. I don't have mono. I'm just obese.

When I was little, I used to think the term was "a beast. It is not surprising that when I was told I was obese in 5th grade, I was understandably upset. A beast? I'm not a beast.

But in some ways, I was. And still am. Oddly, I did my spend my whole life as a beast. When I was born, I was unbeastlike. And for a short period I 8 years, what I like to think of as my glory years, I was not a beast. In fact, I was a well-oiled (not literally), energetic, and affable teen.

But then then I became a beast again and that is where I am today! Today, I remain a beast of epic proportions but new to do something about it.

So here Is what I propose. I will put away enough money to get my hands on an iPad mini. This will serve as my motivation to accomplish this year's New Years resolutions. I have never been good at finishing what I've started but this year I want to be held accountable. If, and only if, in achieve my goals, will I be eligible to purchase this present for myself.

To further keep myself accountable, I will track my progress here as I move towards my goals.

So, without further ado:

I will workout (in some capacity) for 320 days this year. I will also blog about it for 340 days.

I will complete 60 days of yoga.
I will complete 30 days of swimming.
I will be able to do 3 consecutive pull-ups
I will be able to do 50 consequence push-ups

I will pursue these goals independent of any weightless that I achieve. While losing weight would be fantastic, I have decided that, for me, completing a solid exercise plan will help me align all of my other goals.

Announcing these goals and sharing them publicly is a huge step for me. The reason I am doing it is because I want accountability and to finally improve myself beyond the simple platitudes of words. So get ready for some posts about my progress. Any encouragement you wish to provide will be appreciated.

Good luck with any goals you may undertake this year!

Mission Impossible?

Despite the humorous tone of my entries, the struggle to lose weight is a monumental feat. Every day is a mountain, a climb as steep as t!hey come. In school all my teachers would say, "show your work." And so I will.

I have gained over 60 pounds in the last year and I am disgusted with myself. The person I see in the mirror is an obese monster. Despite the winning aspects of my personality, I am reluctant to leave the house everyday because I can't stand to think what others think of me. I'm ashamed, sad, and ultimately in hopeful that I will be able to lose the weight and regain my former "glory."

I struggle even to be this candid and admit that I struggle with these issues. I also feel that I know too much! I know how unhealthy it is to be overweight. I know that at times when I a, skinnier I am not only happier, but I have energy and I feel more social and outgoing.

The solution seems obvious. Just lose weight. But it is far from easy. Anytime I come even close (losing 5 to 10 pounds) I become complacent, eat something I shouldn't and them fall off the wagon so hard that my weight usually raises.

So what do I have to be ashamed about?

How about the fact that I racked up credit card debt because I was ordering in too much. In the last six months I have gone from bad to worse. I went through a fast food craze where all I ate was from different fast food restaurants. My rationale? I'll just try them all. I only had McDonald's 5 times, burner king 10, Wendy's, Arby's, Rally's, steak and shake, KFC, Taco Bell, and Sonic. After going through a 2-3 week rampage where I would eat massive quantities of fast food—by massive quantities, I mean both that I was eating a lot of fast food, but also that I was eating the largest potions possible (triple party's–bacon actors, etc). I just couldn't stop. And it's not like I felt good. After I ate that greasy, delicious food I would feel terrible. My stomach hurt and I had to race to the bathroom.'but it was so good. My favorite combo? Getting a full value meal and a milkshake! It's enough to see that I wasn't even trying.

So what happened, I gained so much weight that I knew I had to stop. So I did. I did an exercise tape for 2-3 days, got tempted by free pizza at work and boom! that's all she wrote.

I'm lucky though, I did manage to get off the fast food to be replaced by, oh wait, it's also fast food but of the delivery variety. Now I wouldn't even get into my car to get the food, I would just have Papa John's delivered to my apartment. The worst part was the looks I would get from the delivery people. They'd be like, "Really, another fully loaded large pizza. Your last one was 3 hours ago." Seriously, I was devouring them like there was no tomorrow, 1-2 a day. I finally got around to looking up the caloric intake. Oma regular large with just 1 topping it was something like 2200 calories! No wonder I continued to gain weight.

What the problem really is is that my appetite becomes INSATIABLE. I'm like a drug addict, I just need to get to my next fix of crappy terrible for me, but tasty and filling food. Every time I make any gains into weight loss, I find myself 1000 times hungrier and craving these foods more.


To save time, I'll just name the next fad as delivery Chinese food. Then I got "healthy" overloading rice cakes with honey, peanut butter, and raisins, obviously a healthy choice. Currently I'm still on that phase.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because I am once again disgusted with myself. I need to make a change. Wish me luck.