Mission Impossible?

Despite the humorous tone of my entries, the struggle to lose weight is a monumental feat. Every day is a mountain, a climb as steep as t!hey come. In school all my teachers would say, "show your work." And so I will.

I have gained over 60 pounds in the last year and I am disgusted with myself. The person I see in the mirror is an obese monster. Despite the winning aspects of my personality, I am reluctant to leave the house everyday because I can't stand to think what others think of me. I'm ashamed, sad, and ultimately in hopeful that I will be able to lose the weight and regain my former "glory."

I struggle even to be this candid and admit that I struggle with these issues. I also feel that I know too much! I know how unhealthy it is to be overweight. I know that at times when I a, skinnier I am not only happier, but I have energy and I feel more social and outgoing.

The solution seems obvious. Just lose weight. But it is far from easy. Anytime I come even close (losing 5 to 10 pounds) I become complacent, eat something I shouldn't and them fall off the wagon so hard that my weight usually raises.

So what do I have to be ashamed about?

How about the fact that I racked up credit card debt because I was ordering in too much. In the last six months I have gone from bad to worse. I went through a fast food craze where all I ate was from different fast food restaurants. My rationale? I'll just try them all. I only had McDonald's 5 times, burner king 10, Wendy's, Arby's, Rally's, steak and shake, KFC, Taco Bell, and Sonic. After going through a 2-3 week rampage where I would eat massive quantities of fast food—by massive quantities, I mean both that I was eating a lot of fast food, but also that I was eating the largest potions possible (triple party's–bacon actors, etc). I just couldn't stop. And it's not like I felt good. After I ate that greasy, delicious food I would feel terrible. My stomach hurt and I had to race to the bathroom.'but it was so good. My favorite combo? Getting a full value meal and a milkshake! It's enough to see that I wasn't even trying.

So what happened, I gained so much weight that I knew I had to stop. So I did. I did an exercise tape for 2-3 days, got tempted by free pizza at work and boom! that's all she wrote.

I'm lucky though, I did manage to get off the fast food to be replaced by, oh wait, it's also fast food but of the delivery variety. Now I wouldn't even get into my car to get the food, I would just have Papa John's delivered to my apartment. The worst part was the looks I would get from the delivery people. They'd be like, "Really, another fully loaded large pizza. Your last one was 3 hours ago." Seriously, I was devouring them like there was no tomorrow, 1-2 a day. I finally got around to looking up the caloric intake. Oma regular large with just 1 topping it was something like 2200 calories! No wonder I continued to gain weight.

What the problem really is is that my appetite becomes INSATIABLE. I'm like a drug addict, I just need to get to my next fix of crappy terrible for me, but tasty and filling food. Every time I make any gains into weight loss, I find myself 1000 times hungrier and craving these foods more.


To save time, I'll just name the next fad as delivery Chinese food. Then I got "healthy" overloading rice cakes with honey, peanut butter, and raisins, obviously a healthy choice. Currently I'm still on that phase.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because I am once again disgusted with myself. I need to make a change. Wish me luck.