Day 94: A night of new

I have two new developments to share.

First, I'm trying 2 sessions of yoga a day. No solely to make up for days (I'm still only counting them as I session), but also to push myself. It's not like I'm going to do the longer/harder yoga, and that being the case, I might as well continue to work on the doing 2 of the easy sessions. The thing about yoga is that it seems strenuous when I'm doing it but you feel refreshed lat. so, why not take advantage of that.

Second, I was watching this Louis C.K. Bit where he talks about one of the downsides of aging. He says that the worst part of his day is when he has to put on his socks. He can't touch his toes normally and he has his beer gut surrounding him. He says it feels like when he tries to do that he is pushes his fat into his vital organs which start screaming out for release! I feel very similar when doing the kneeling and lying bow pose. I've talked about this before, but it is new that I think it's starting to "loosen up" the fat. It feels like the fat is more easily moved around and damn is it uncomfortable.

So, I get to the end of my routine and just lie on my back ready to do some meditation. But this time, it feels like I'm laying on one of those donuts they throw overboard of ships to help the drowning person. It's like my fat is literally balling up on the sides of my body pushing to give me a form of cushion. I'm thinking' "this can't be a good thing." Have I disrupted the fat.? You should never disrupt the fat!!

The one "nice" thing about being fat is that you don't really feel as fat as you are. For whatever reason, Thea body and mind simply can't accept that you're a giant lard ass, so when you look in the mirror you see a moderately overweight person, not the walking blimp that you actually ar. In fact, part of the way your body compensates is it doesn't really let you feel your own fat—except when you try to bend over and it all bunches together.

You don't feel that back flab making a verifiable spare tire. You don't feel those love handles and that's a problem! If you walked around all day feeling this fat hanging off of your body, you'd be more motivated to do something about it. But as it stands now, there is no incentive.

All of at is a long way of saying, maybe this movable fat bubble that I'm feeling is actually a wake up call. Maybe it's my body's way of saying, all right, it is time! Time to shed this bubble, those extra pounds and start living your life.

Because the way I'm living now is barely living at all. I'm not saying I want to be a super model, but I would like to have the confidence to go back outside and feel like I look good. I want to get a swagger back in my step. Most importantly, I want to feel like people are looking at me with approval. So as I go out these next few weeks, I'm going to try to remember my spare it and work towards having it popped!