It's frankly depressing. I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. I see fat dropping from my face, my nose, my eyelids, and my neck. And then, as I work my way downward, it just gets worse. My chest is heavy, floppy with the extra fat hanging off what I can only assume is a big-boned frame—a body that is equally large beneath the massive weight it must carry. And yet, I'm not convinced that it is actually a big frame. I think, I hope, that I'm actually a small-framed person, a skinny man, trapped inside this fat body.
As my eyes move downward in the mirror—something I try never to do intentionally—I see the worse part: my stomach. At this point, however, it's hard to think of it as a stomach, but more of a growth, a tragic outpouring of fat, that overcomes the rest of my body turning me into a large amorphous blob.
I've been fat a long time. I've seen many fat men and noticed there are degrees to of being fat. At the most basic, there is pudge - all the normal, skinny body shaped but that is a little less chiseled and more blobby. Then there is the tire-person: a large fat tire, like an inner tuber surrounding a relatively regular persons body. It surrounds the abdomen, sides, and back. But then when the fat has nowhere else to go it starts to invade the rest of the body, blanketing the body in fat and literally causing the rest of the body to inflate. If done quickly, it even has the unfortunate side effect of stretching the skin and causing marks.
Then there is the truly obese, where the elasticity of the skin in the abdomen region has become so full with fat that it can no longer support the weight of the fat and the fat sags over the frame of the body. Like deflating tires causing overhangs of unsightly fat, this grotesque outpouring literally drags the body down in the abdomen region, the back, the sides, and creates the appearance of a blob.
Finally when there is no place for the fat to go, the entire body expands and expands, and droops and droops like the scene frame willy wonks and the chocolate factory when the girl turns into a blueberry. The person literally becomes a dripping fat ball, it's disgusting.
The worst part of working for the better part of a month is not seeing any progress in the mirror. Even if I lost no weight, I'd be okay if the size of the fat on my body shrunk to manageable levels and made me look like a normal person but they haven't.
I started to do push-ups and felt so fat. Seeing my reflection in the TV, I could only see the drooping fat. It was entirely depressing.
When will I start to see more progress. When can I avoid these flash-cravings to binge eat everything in sight? Hopefully soon!
But with only 87 more days to go, I'm worried. I don't want to be so fat at this event.
- The Fat Man
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